and I laugh

[acoustics1220]

1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately
clear your computer history if you die....

2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when
you realize you're wrong.

3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when
I was younger.

4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.

5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

6. Was learning cursive really necessary?

7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5. I'm
pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you
how the person died.

9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

10. Bad decisions make good stories.

11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment
at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything
productive for the rest of the day.

12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue
Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.

13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it
asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page research
paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.

14. "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash
this - ever.

15. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello?
Hello? Damn it!), but when I immediately call back, it rings
nine times and goes to voicemail. What did you do after I didn't
answer? Drop the phone and run away?

16. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then
not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

17. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I
know not to answer when they call.

18. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

19. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given
Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.

20. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.

21. Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was
younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the heck was
going on when I first saw it.

22. I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each
hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

23. The only time I look forward to a red light is when I'm
trying to finish a text.

24. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom
and hunger.

25. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you
just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a
word they said?

26. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars
team up to prevent an ass from cutting in at the front. Stay
strong, brothers and sisters!

27. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never
get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

28. There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure
you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.

29. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and
still not know what time it is.

30. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating
their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and
Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet my behind everyone
can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about
1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time

Comments

[adamanteve19.livejournal.com]

All hilarious and most of them true.

I have issue with #5 and #7. I can, too, fold a fitted sheet, courtesy of Martha Stewart's tutelage. And Map Quest definitely has to start where it starts. I suck at directions. I do, too, get lost trying to get out of my own neighborhood.

[scifichick774.livejournal.com]

These were terrific! So very funny - and most of them, sadly true.

[lilplaiddress.livejournal.com]

hahahahahaha.... this is my life too.

There is great need for a sarcasm font.

especially this.

[vanillapudding5.livejournal.com]

20. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.

AGREE. I just had this conversation the other day!! lol.

[trustme1013.livejournal.com]

Aaaah... The fitted sheet debacle: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=drW_0uhV-aQ&feature=related (in case you were actually wondering)

That moment of the day ... you know the one, where you quit doing your job? Yeah, that happens to me the second my boss walks out the door each day. It could be 12 pm and I'm there for six more hours. It just happens that way. it's along the lines of "Jesus is coming! Look busy!" I'm not ashamed to admit it. ;)

I could go on ... but I'll stop! ;)

[ireneadler.livejournal.com]

I love this! So many are completely true. ♥